Making "Tell me about yourself" Great Again | #8

What would it look like if we took that question seriously? As in... we used it to actually connect with people? Instead of just getting jobs.

Tell me about yourself.

The first time that got thrown at me in an interview was surreal.

I did not have a good answer. I wanted to fire back with well, what do ya wanna know?!

Instead I churned out a blurb about where I was from and what my hobbies were.

I did not get that job.

Later, I read about how to answer it in interview prep resources on the internet. Make sure to have an answer for it, they said.

So, I made one. It was meh - an articulation of my resume. I wasn't satisfied with it, but it was good enough to get me a job.

Once I got the job, I thought I was done with that question. But it was only the beginning. It turns out you have to field that question in other settings.

People may not say tell me about yourself straight up. That's too job-interviewy. But they do ask variations like:

• What's your story? 

• What's your background?

• What's your journey?

There was no escape. It kept bugging me that I didn't have a good answer.

At first, my brainstorms drifted towards stuff that made me look cool. Especially on dates.

Now, I don't care much about that stuff. I wish I could tell you in detail what changed, but I only have trace hints. 

Part of it was surprising myself by succeeding in places I wasn’t sure I would - like getting A’s in graduate-level math classes. Another part of it was meeting my heroes, telling them my ideas, and hearing them tell me they were worth exploring. Somewhere along the way I gained a belief that I was smart and cool, and no longer had to convince myself of it. 

But not having an answer still bugged me. What background do I want to give people?

Fortunately for me, I met a guy named Paul Millerd and read his book: The Pathless Path. One of the key themes is finding your tribe.

I put two and two together, and I decided I wanted my answer to be a tool for finding the others.  A bat signal for folks I connect with.

So I started introspecting. What are the sharp edges I have in common with my people? What could I tell you about me that would make us want to be best friends with each other?

At first, I worried this approach was a little inorganic. What parts of connecting with people can be optimized, and what parts must be left to serendipity?

But then I realized: I am organic. I am human, and everything I do is motivated downstream of human emotions. I can’t not be organic.

However, my writing (and all the ways I interface with the world) can still be synthetic, contrived, or off-putting.

• maybe it’s watered down because it comes from a place of fear..

• maybe it’s mean because it comes from a place of jealousy..

• maybe it’s condescending because it comes from a place of arrogance..

• maybe it’s tone-deaf because I lost track of my goal: connecting with others..

So, is this method of finding the others synthetic?

I don’t think so! It comes from a place of curiosity and playfulness. So it can’t be that synthetic, right?

Anyway, without further adieu, here are the ideas that come alive for me.

My interest in specific subjects waxes and wanes, but the lenses are consistent. In fact, whatever the domain is, if you put one of these six lenses on it, I'm interested.

• The Communication Lens: What's the medium? The message? The goal? The undertone?

Human progress is only possible with communication. Connecting with people is only possible with communication. Art, persuasion, stories, and learning are all only possible with communication.

• The Learning Lens: What does learning this thing look like? What’s the learning curve? What kinds of scaffolding exist to learn the thing?

I love learning. To me, learning means progress, growth, and flourishing.

• The Motivation Lens: Why are people doing this thing? What emotions are people pursuing?

One of the best ways to relate to someone is to understand what motivates someone. One of the best ways to connect with someone is to share a similar motivation. Motivation is the foundation for stories. It’s what makes life interesting.

• The Markets Lens: Who’s supplying? Who’s demanding? Where is information flowing?

Coordination is what allows us to make progress as a human race. But when you can’t (or won’t) coordinate, markets are the next best thing. The ways in which we selfishly compromise yield so much fascinating information about our motivations and desires as humans.

• The Coordination Lens: What does everyone want? Are we competing? Can we all get what we want?

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. We can only do so much individually. But massive progress requires coordination. Hence, figuring out how to do that well is fascinating to me.

• The Leverage Lens: What components are we relying on? How much can we squeeze out of this system? When do we hit diminishing returns?

Leverage is interesting to me for typical human reasons: having power is nice. But the best ways to wield that power is even more fascinating. How do you “use things” successfully?

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My theory is that if you find yourself asking those kinds of questions a lot, we will get along swimmingly. Send me an email or DM! I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about.