6 lessons from learning to dance | #19

from someone who was really bad and is now only kind of bad

A month ago, I started taking dance lessons.

A good friend wanted to go. It sounded like a good chance to get out of my comfort zone.

Eh, why not?

I started with beginner's line dancing, and WOW. It was humbling.

I've switched careers a lot and I try new things a lot, so I'm used to being bad at things. But this was a whole new level of crashing and burning.

The contrast was incredible. There were people there who made complicated moves look as easy as breathing.

And then there was me. Struggling with the most basic of movements.

I found that Unacceptable. So, I've been practicing somewhat consistently for a month now.

Although I'm still nowhere near Effortlessly Amazing, I've learned so much that I can't help but share it here.

In fact, a lot of these are mistakes I've faced learning other new things. I didn’t learn from them then, so I'm writing them here now to remind myself and help change my behavior.

A summary:

• if you’re overwhelmed, your goal isn’t specific enough

• it’s SO helpful to be consistent!

• giving something a chance means seeing it through

• creativity is fun, but co-creativity is even better

• break things down, but not too much

• learn the basics as measured by the level above them

If you're overwhelmed, your goal isn’t specific enough.

"Have a goal" is a cliche, but here’s some nuance that you probably don’t hear.

If I'm trying to solve a problem, it's helpful to decide what the problem is so I can measure progress. If I'm not specific about the problem, I often find myself distracted or overwhelmed.

What I interpret as one vague problem turns out to be many specific problems. Not realizing that means I try to solve many problems at once, often making progress on none of them.

When learning to dance, the problem first presented itself as: learn this choreography.

I later identified this problem as a set of problems, including but not limited to

• remember the names of each move

• remember what to do for each move

• get the footwork right

• keep myself on rhythm with the music

At first, I tried to do all those things correctly on day 1. That turned out to be a mistake.

The more knowledge I tried to assimilate, the less effort I could spend dancing.

The more I tried to do, the more I messed up, and the more I got in my head about it.

But later, when I picked one thing and drilled it, I got better.

The lesson: Accept that I can only get so far, so fast. Scope my goals properly. Be patient with myself. Even if I'm around a bunch of people who are annoyingly good and I want to be as annoyingly good as them RIGHT THIS INSTANT.

It's SO HELPFUL to be consistent.

This is another cliche, but I'm shamelessly parroting it because DAMN is it true. I'm glad I see it a lot on social media, because I need to be reminded a lot.

I started with a Tuesday dance lesson and didn't practice at all until the next Tuesday lesson.

Retention was terrible. It was like starting over.

Actually, it was worse than starting over. It had all the cons of being a beginner (the awkwardness), and none of the pros (the novelty of the experience).

But later, when I made the time to do it a few days in a row, the progress I saw was delightful. Imagine that, huh??

The lesson: Practice every day if I can, even if it's a tiny ten-minute session.

Giving something a chance means seeing it through.

When I first started dancing, I wouldn't describe it as Fun. I was self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't having a bad time. But it would have been easy to conclude that it Wasn't For Me.

But, once I

1. gained a little skill, and

2. learned to embrace "dancer" as part of my identity,

it became Fun. It became something that I enjoyed. Something I didn't need to do with a friend to make it worth it.

If I had only considered my beginner experience to decide if it was worth it, that would have been a mistake.

It was good that I assumed I was missing something. I'm glad I gave it an honest chance.

The lesson: Put in a decent chunk of time to gain fluency before I discard a hobby as not worth it.

Creativity is fun, but co-creativity is even better

I started out with line dancing. Mastering moves, creating sequences, and showing them off is satisfying.

But I've found partner-dancing, like salsa and bachata to be more fun.

I only had to dance with a few people to realize that people are so different. Everyone has different ideas, impressions, reaction times, etc. Which means there’s this extra dimension of figuring out what I'm going to create with another person.

That can make it hard to coordinate, but it also means dancing with each person is a different experience.

For similar reasons, practicing with the same person is such a treat. It's so vulnerable to let someone see me be bad at something over and over again. It's also rewarding to have a witness when I finally get it right. Especially when they know how bad I was at the beginning!

It's a great bonding experience. You get to learn so many intangible things about how each other thinks and feels. Would recommend!

The lesson: If I can learn something together with someone I trust, it's great!

Break things down, but not too much

You can break any famous work of art, technology, or system into components and examine them.

I do that when I learn things.

• A drawing is shapes and colors.

• A computer is transistors, batteries, and... other stuff.

• A dance is a set of steps and body movements.

Breaking things down into components makes them more digestible. I just need to be careful and not to take it too far.

Detached from the context of the system they're a part of, these components can feel lifeless. Like learning the rules of a sport without ever stepping foot on the field. Or most peoples' experience learning algebra in high school.

I also risk bending over dollars to pick up pennies. When I break things down too much, I find myself too caught up in the details. I end up asking questions that don't matter, like

Should I point my toe closer to 70 degrees or 80 degrees?

which is a sign I'm too disconnected from the main goal.

The lesson: Break things down only as much as I have to. More than I have to is intellectual masturbation. When I've got a grasp on the parts, reintegrate them back into the whole. Otherwise I risk solving unimportant problems.

Learn the basics as measured by the level above them

When I was learning to juggle in 3rd grade, I was only interested in the tricks. Once I could do the basic pattern for a few seconds, I jumped straight to learning Mills' Mess.

Progress was frustratingly slow. My teacher told me that if I were better at the basic pattern, learning the tricks would be easier.

She was right. I practiced the basic pattern and it made doing tricks easier.

Although, at some point, the opposite became true.

I stopped improving at the basic pattern by practicing the basic pattern. Instead, practicing tricks made me better at the basic pattern!

I found the same to be true when learning to dance.

Trying to learn a whole choreography without knowing the basic steps was a source of frustration and futility.

But, after some practice, I noticed that rehearsing the basics wasn't challenging enough.

I could do the basics. I could hear the beat in the song. But when I tried to do both at the same time, I made mistakes. The real growth was no longer in practicing each skill individually.

The lesson: Learn the basics as much as I need to. Afterward, let the more advanced stuff dictate how much basics practice I need. If the advanced stuff is too hard, back to the basics. If the advanced stuff is challenging but doable, rise to the occasion.