Hello friends!
This 25th issue of The Pole is for folks who are struggling with confidence.
Particularly those who oscillate between timidness and arrogance, struggling to find a balance.
In this issue:
Harry Potter: one of my favorite movie moments
timidness and arrogance: a spectrum
confidence: reject the spectrum
Enjoy!
I.
One of my favorite movie moments is from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
The dementors are about to kill Harry and his friends. They're surrounded.
Meanwhile, Future Harry is watching from across the water. Future Harry believes his dad will come in and save his past self.
...but nothing is happening.
He's watching his friends and his past self dying.
Then, it dawns on him: nobody is coming.
It's him. He's the one who saves his past self.
So he sprints forward and casts this big ass spell and makes them all go away.
I was 12-ish when I saw this in theaters. I felt like a porcupine from how straight the hairs on my back were standing up.
I cried. Okay, not like audible, dramatic waaaahhh crying. But like, I shed a few tears. The manliest of tears, of course.
It's the first time I ever remember crying from a place of happiness. A core memory for me.
It was also a wake-up call. I remember walking out of the theatre thinking... damn.
I am the rescuer. Nobody is coming. It's all me.
If I get caught up in some tom foolery, I need to be able to whip out my own big ass spells.
II.
Almost 20 years later, when I think about that moment, I realized it has another meaning.
Confidence in one's abilities comes from success in their application. Harry knew he could cast the big ass spell because already saw his future self do it.
There are two ways you could take this: the timid way and the arrogant way.
The timid take-away is that you earn your confidence from each triumph. The world is full of unknowns. You don't know until you know. General, contextless confidence can be strived for but never achieved. Your best bet is jumping into and succeeding in as many areas as possible. So get crackin'.
The arrogant take-away is... psh. You succeeded in one area, why would you not succeed everywhere else? Once you get started, you'll figure it out. The world is your oyster. There's no reason to gate-keep yourself from confidence.
You might suspect there is a healthy balance between these two views.
I've had a lot of trouble holding them both at once. When I step into the arena, I either shirk into timidness or flail into arrogance.
III.
Nowadays, I don't try to balance them.
I realized that both views are tools for dealing with uncertainty. When uncertainty exists and is a fixed property of the situation, they are useful.
But, in my experience, it's rarely the case that I can't learn more about the situation. Being grounded and aware means I don't have to choose between timidness and arrogance. That decision comes for free with a clear assessment of myself and my environment.
In a strange way, my feelings are none of my business. If there is danger, I should be afraid. If I'm safe, then I should feel safe. I should not try to fool myself into feeling safe when I am in real danger.
My thoughts are also none of my business. I don't control what flows down the stream of my consciousness.
What is my business is my attention.
I control whether I observe the stream, play in it, or get swept away by it.
I control how I react and what I do with my feelings.
I control the environment I place myself in.
From attention I gain awareness. From awareness I gain confidence.
The solution isn't balance. It's earnestness.
Confidence is downstream of attention.
I loved that scene too, gives me the goosebumps every time I see it 🥹 thanks for drawing this lesson and articulating it so well! A really good reminder of striking the balance of remaining confident without falling to either end of the spectrum.
What an incredibly true lesson! Thank you for sharing!
“I am the rescuer. Nobody is coming. It's all me.
From attention I gain awareness. From awareness I gain confidence.
The solution isn't balance. It's earnestness.
Confidence is downstream of attention.”
I look forward to remembering this lesson each time I see this scene of the movie from now on ☺️